St. Therese

In the beginning of her journey, Thérèse recognized herself in the classic lines of every feminine vocation: “To be your spouse, O Jesus . . . to be, by virtue of my union with you, the mother of souls, this ought to be enough for me . . . but it is not so . . . I feel other vocations within myself . . . O my Jesus! To all these crazy aspirations of mine what will you reply? Today, you want to fulfill other desires of mine bigger than the universe.”

A Man Who Makes Demands

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naïve or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” 
― Anaïs Nin

“You educate a man; you educate a man. You educate a woman; you educate a generation.” 
― Brigham Young

“How wrong is it for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself?” 
― Anaïs Nin

“If a man hasn't what's necessary to make a woman love him, it's his fault, not hers.” 
― W. Somerset Maugham, The Painted Veil

Pre-Marital Questions

1.  What is your definition of marriage?

2.  How were feelings of love, warmth, and tenderness shown in your home as you were growing up?  How would you like feelings of love, warmth, and tenderness shown to you in public and in your home?

3.  What fears and concerns do you have about marriage?

4.  List in writing ten specific indications as to why this is the time of your life to marry.  List in writing twelve specific reasons why you want to marry this person.

5.  Why are you coming to the church to be married, instead of just going to a justice of the peace?  Why is a church important?"

"Marriage does not demand perfection.  But it must be given priority.  It is an institution for sinners.  No one else need apply.  But it finds its finest flory when sinners see it as God's way of leading us through His ultimate curriculum of love and righteousness." - David Hubbard

"A Christian marriage is a total commitment of two people to the  person of Jesus Christ and to one another.  It is a commitment in which there is no holding back of anything.  Marriage is a pledge of mutual fidelity; it is a partnership of mutual subordination.  A Christian marriage is similar to a solvent, a freeing up of the man and woman to be themselves and become all that God intends for them to become.  Marriage is the refining process that God will use to have us develop into the man or woman He wants us to become.
"There is one phrase there that I would like to focus on; this phrase is "the refining process.'  Have you ever thought of your marriage as a refining process?  That God is going to allow certain events to happen in your life that will cause you to grow and develop into the man or woman He wants you to become?  What would happen if you were to have that attitude toward the events that occur within your marriage - that those events are something that God can use to cause you to grow deeper together and to cause each to grow more as an individual?... Marriage is a refining process.  An adequate concept of what marriage is about is the first foundation of marriage preparation."

6.  Is there any was in which there is a dependency and/or something unresolved between you and your parents?

7.  In what way will the type of courtship you have had (and experiences you have gone through together while dating) contribute to your marriage?

8.  How have your attitudes toward marriage been influences, and who influenced them?

9.  What is your definition of love?

Becoming the Right Person

"There is a risk involved in the marriage process, but the essential element is not so much finding the right person as it is becoming the right person." (19) H. Normal Wright, Premarital Counseling


In what ways are you dependent upon your partner?

How are you expecting your future spouse to enhance your self-esteem?

"It has stuck us that many couples were involved in the task of finding some way to initiate growth.  The growth could be in many areas.  Perhaps it was in becoming more outgoing, more self-confident, more intimate, or some other dimension of their personality that they felt needed expansion.  THey mate they chose, therefore, from the millions of individuals available was exactly the person who could provide them with the kind of growth they needed... It almost seems to us that couples in some way find each other and choose each other on the basis of their potential to induce change.  It is as if couples are in a strange way performing the task of therapy.
" All os this is a way of saying that we believe that marriage is purposeful and that couples choose each other on the basis of the ability of the other person to help them initiate growth.  We think that couples are involved in a task of healing.  It is as if many individuals at the point of fating and moving to marriage find themselves to be incomplete in some way.  Their search for a mater is not haphazard but rather based on some kind of deeply intuitive homing device that relentlessly and purposefully pursues exactly the kind of person who will provide them with the stimulation for the growth they are seeking.  It is amazing how powerful that homing device can be.  " - Robert F. Stahmann and WIlliam J. Hiebert (26 of Wright)

"The more insecure a person is, the greater is his need for idealizing his partner." (27)

Ephesians 4:2 "Because we love one another, we are willing to make allowances for one another."

NT Wright on Women

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=QaVVXleoAdU

Philip Goldberg: Are Women Prejudiced Against Women?

For some reason this article costs $34 - but I want it!

Here is the intro:

"Woman," advised Aristotle, "may be said to be an inferior man."

Because he was a man, Aristotle was probably biased. But what do women themselves think? Do they, consciously or unconsciously, consider their own sex inferior? And if so, does this belief prejudice them against other women - that is, make them view women, simply because they are women, as less competent than men?

According to a study conducted by myself and my associates, the answer to both questions is Yes. Women do consider their own sex inferior. And even when the facts give no support to this belief, they will persist in downgrading the competence - in particular, the intellectual and professional competence - of their fellow females.

Over the years, psychologists and psychiatrists have shown that both sexes consistently value men more highly than women. Characteristics considered male are usually praised: those considered female are usually criticized. In 1957 A.C. Sheriffs and J.P. McKee noted that "women are regarded as guilty of snobbery and irrational and unpleasant emotionality." Consistent with this report, E.G. French and G.S. Lesser found in 1964 that "women who value intellectual attainment feel they must reject the woman's role" - intellectual accompishment apparently being considered, even among intellectual women, a masculine preserve."

Dying to read the rest of this.

Feminist Theory Reading List

Collins, Patricia Hill. Black Feminist Thought.

Daly, Mary. Beyond God the Father: Toward a Philosophy of Women’s Liberation. Boston,
Beacon Press, 1973.

Feminist Theory A Reader, Third Edition. Edited by Wendy Kolmar and Frances Bartkowski. Mountainview, CA: Mayfield 2010.

Martin, Emily Woman in the Body

Ruether, Rosemary Radford. Sexism and God-Talk: Toward a Feminist Theology. Boston,
Beacon Press, 1983.

Walker, Alice. Meridian. New York: Pocket Books, 1976.

Williams, Patricia Alchemy of Race and Rights

Clifford, Anne M. Introducing Feminist Theology

Mitchem, Stephanie. Introducing Womanist Theology

Williams, Delores. Sister in the Wilderness